An anticipation on Ben, June 4th

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke addresses Harvard’s Class Day on June 4.

Charleton Lamb  in The Harvard Crimson, suggests 15 speech traces, e.g.:

1) In order to close the federal deficit, marijuana will be legalized and taxed. Even with the tax, it will be cheaper than what you’re paying in Central Square. 

3) Instead of a speech, he will actually hover over the Yard in a helicopter and drop fistfuls of cash. 

4) The government will seize half of the Harvard endowment under the authority of The Patriot Act. 

5) He will give everyone a free lunch just to stick it to Mankiw. 

6) He will debut his new reality show, in which he and Chuck Norris solve the mortgage crisis by breaking every jaw on Wall Street. 

9) Harvard will merge with Bernanke’s other alma mater—MIT. He swears it’s more economical this way. 

11) The new $20 bill will have a four-color depiction of the moment when Jim told Pam he loves her. 

14) He’s already admitted that the Fed caused the Great Depression, so now he’ll reveal that the Fed killed party grants  too.

P.S. Search “party grants” on Google: you’ll find out, always on The Harvard Crimson (ranging FD Roosevelt and J Kennedy among past writers), what’s  the trouble about party grants uncertainty at Harvard.

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Published in: on April 18, 2008 at 8:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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